Mad in Motherhood

Learning how to embrace our crazy beautiful lives. . . without going mad along the way

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Stop the madness #1 – No more Super Mom mentality

Here we are… It’s the first Monday of the month, Which means it is Stop the Madness Monday and I will attempt to encourage you to turn away from the thoughts that will drive you MAD in MOTHERHOOD and embrace God’s truth instead.
WHAT NOT TO DO: Never ask for help and certainly don’t accept it when offered.
Stop the Madness: Here’s the deal… No one is actually Super Mom – As in a super hero with special powers who can do absolutely everything in half the time it would take an army to, and without breaking a sweat. No one.
You are amazing. You are a giver and a lover. You are a multitasking phenomenon. You are a personal chef, trauma nurse, chauffeur, spiritual leader, and laundry master all rolled into one. You are Mother…. And you are HUMAN.  Just because you CAN do all of these things (and then some) doesn’t mean you should feel like you HAVE to do them all day, every day, all on your own. Nor, should you feel like a failure if you don’t do them all on your own.
I remember the early days of motherhood… exhaustion, confusion, frantically trying to figure out how to take care of this small person (and all her poop and spit-up) and how to maintain the house, and not forget about my husband, all while counting the days since I last had a shower. Then someone would would kindly offer their assistance and June Cleaver’s voice would come out of my mouth saying something absurd like, ‘Oh, no thank you. I have it all under control. In fact, think I’ll make a lasagna from scratch for dinner tonight, after I do the 17 loads of laundry that are piling up and spilling into the hallway.’ Ridiculous.
Side Note: Anytime someone says ‘I have it under control,’ they are begging you to politely knock some sense into them.
After about a week, I pseudo-accepted the assistance…. Mustering up enough energy to ‘tidy up’ before that angel of a person came over to help me ‘clean up’ for real. I thought to myself. ‘No one really wants to come clean my house and do my laundry. They want to come hold the baby and chat, so I should put on my big girl pants and clean up before they get here and see the disaster in which I am sitting.’ All my thinking was wrong. After some coaxing and several weeks of trying to be ‘Super Mom’ I changed my tune to. ‘Help Me, Rhonda’… (or anyone for that matter).
I told you before, that I had never imagined so many people would be folding my underwear. Well it’s true. I have never been the kind of person to ask for help, and I have never been very good at accepting it when offered. I have also never thought my self to be a prideful person…. but I am learning that ‘pride’ can wear a lot of different masks. I told myself things like, ‘I can do the dirty jobs that no one else really wants to do’ or ‘they’re just offering to be nice’ and what I was really doing was pridefully shortchanging every person involved. I wasn’t getting the help I so desperately needed to make my life easier and I was robbing someone else of the opportunity to love and serve me. Whoa.
God calls us to live in community. To love each other. To help each other. To serve each other. To encourage each other, And to challenge each other.
Community is precious. It allows us to be the body of Christ and to live to our fullest ability.
So, when I humbly accepted my shortcomings in this season of early motherhood as opportunities and not failures, I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. If my inlaws want to take turns folding laundry and holding babies, awesome! If my friend wants to get a babysitter for her own kiddo so she can come clean my kitchen and bathroom, amazing! If my other friends want to bring a meal over, Terrific – I love all food! I am eternally grateful to you for seeing my need and so graciously meeting it. And because of the lovely give and take/help each other out mentality in living in community, I too will help a momma out…when I get my head steadily above water.
We have to remember to take care of our own Stud Muffins and little ones first, before we go running off to save the universe (again, remember ‘Super Mom’ = Fictitious) So, this may be the season in life where you need to receive the help. Like me, you have probably had many seasons where you were able to give the help. Those seasons will return (although it may not be for a long while). Ride this one out. Before you know it, you’ll be needing less and less help on a dire basis and you’ll be doing more and more on your own. Save your energy to be the best YOU that you can be for your family. Your friends and others will understand. And if you’re like me, enlist the help of someone on to help with some of the areas of housework that are really bogging you down. Seriously. I joined today. Because I humbly accept that my house manufactures more dirt than I can handle right now.
An honest look at my house:

I documented my dining room floor sweepings every 2-3 days for 10 days.
Note: The small pile in the middle is due to spending an entire day out of the house, plus eating 2 meals out. Sheesh. Too.Much.Dirt.

Oh please, sing along if you know this song 🙂
You’ve got to know when to hold em
Know when to fold em
Know when to walk away
Know when to run!
*Tis true for playing cards and Super Real Momma’s.*
If you need it, run to someone and ask for help today! And if you are on the other side of chaos, offer Christ’s love to someone who may need a little help, but is too scared to ask.